Tough Love

I hate to admit it, but usually I'm really a mess when Sara leaves. I get real snippy at home, and short tempered. Everything reminds me of her, so I hate everything. It's not because she leaves, we both know it should end, but because of the feeling she can 'do without' me. It's why I leave her messages. To see if she still thinks about me. I'm happy when/if she checks, but disappointed when I get no reply. As I mentioned before, she has left many, many times. And each time I'm more postive than the last it will be for good. Why? She has always come back. Yet I'm sure she won't. Now remember, I said 'usually I'm a mess'. Which obviously means I'm not right now. From reading the blogs of other woman* who have or have attempted to end an affair, I've come to understand what Sara is going through. I know her world still revolves around her thoughts of me. I know she aches as much as I do. And I know all I would need to do is call her and my voice would tear down that wall of defense she is trying to build between us. But I swore I'd never call her. Not for that reason though. We have been very careful and one of the main rules was never to call each other unless it was pre-arranged.

Ending this affair relies heavily on me. I've known that. With a better understanding of what Sara is going through right now will go a long way in assisting me. Now if only I can convince myself it really needs to end. I know the day she checks for me, and doesn't find any messages, she will be hurt. This is truly tough love.

*I thank those woman for sharing their most personal thoughts and I would bet they have no idea the impact they may have on others lives.