Will She Be Back?
It's been an over SIX year affair. Not sure when it will end for good, but it restarted many times.
- Name: do_in_it_2
- Location: Middle Country
I have it all. Would not have changed a thing. That is until she came into my life. Again. And again. And again. And again.........
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
She called me again today
Back to the reason why I tried to call her. I realize that I can never assure her I’ll stay away forever, and wanted to suggest to her that she could ‘de-fuse’ the desire with a phone call once a month or so. See, her number one concern is that I’ll call at the wrong time and her – always suspicious – husband will answer.* And because of that she always gets nervous when the phone rings when he’s home during the day. So if she initiates the call, that will never be a concern.** I just felt that it would give her the ability to finally relax each time the phone rang. It puts her totally in control. Unfortunately for both of us, she has been miserable and irritable since we last talked. Emotions she had hoped she had put in the past by moving on. Clearly that’s not something I want her to go through just so I can relinquish control over our situation.
As I acknowledged the pain I keep putting her through, and tried to reassure her that I will double my efforts to stay away, my voice became emotional. So did hers as she spoke over the top of mine saying “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t do this anymore”. She then hung up on me.
*I have always been prepared for that each time I’d call her with a fool-proof escape plan. I have never needed to use that in almost 8 years so it still remains an option.
** Please keep in mind that receiving one phone call a month is no where’s near something I find acceptable. Just hours after her last call I was missing her so much that it hurt. But it definitely is satisfying enough to last me several weeks.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Talk about timing
I wrote that this morning because I was finally believing she was gone for good. Then she called me. Less than an hour later. Believe it or not, it was to thank me for not calling or trying to contact her for all this time. Truthfully, I think it was to find out if I've forgotten about her. Nothing has changed in her feelings for me - she thinks about me all the time. But she is living guiltfree now and that is where she says she has found her strength to move on. I asked her if she's happy now. "No" was her reply. But she has given up on there ever being a future for us.
I can't explain why, but I haven't. yet. But I'll just hang back and wait for that next phone call - whenever, or if ever, there will be one. I miss her.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Came and Went.
But our 'anniversary' is coming up in a couple weeks. No matter how long she's been gone, she always has managed to surface during this time. My expectations are obviously high that this year will be no different, but I am trying to prepare myself for the disappointment if she doesn't.
Thursday, June 05, 2008
It was a wonderful few weeks.