2 Weeks

2 weeks since I last heard her voice - and she's still crying in my head. How in the world could I have said bye and just hang up knowing she's crying? In my gut I know she's upset with me for that and that's why she left again. Rationalizing? My gut has never been wrong. Yet. Even though these two weeks feel like forever, I've gone longer. Much, much longer. When she learned she was pregnant with her 3rd child, reality set in that we really needed to end things at that time. But she left very upset with me, I don't remember why, but I do remember she was mad at me. That didn't sit well with me at all so after a week I finally had to call her to make things right. Turns out she was upset because it was me who suggested we end things! I've always been in 'damned if I do, damned if I don't' situations with her. But I deal with it, even now. Anyway, for almost a year she hardly communicated with me, but did read my emails. Almost daily I would leave her something, either telling her things going on in my life, or my thoughts, emotions, and desires of her. Thing is, she didn't know that I knew she was reading them*. Every few months she would email me, but she would be very distant, and she would always go out of her way to upset me. I won't go into details, because I don't remember, but I always thought it odd that she would appear out of the blue with the sole intent of pissing me off. But that awful year ended on a beautiful, sunny Saturday morning in June when I received this email from her:
hush
don't say a word
i love you
The world, once again, became a better place. :)

*Remember, we share the same account so I would mark the emails as 'read' so that she could read them without letting on to me that she was ever there. But because of a quirk in our email system, I knew whenever she would log in. And it was daily, some days several times, but a few times she could go a week without checking. Obviously an attempt to drop me all together.