That Phone Conversation

I'm still playing that conversation over and over in my mind. I probably have got things all out of order, but that's not important. What is important is making sure that I don't do what I always have done when she gets mad and leaves. That'll just start thing all over again. We were in a good place, headed in a good direction, albeit no guarantee we'd ever get completely there. What went wrong? Trying to remember our 'memorable' conversations we'd had in the recent past are now muddied by her comments yesterday. The same type of comments she's used many times in the past to try to seperate us with her wall. And in the past I've successfully taken down the wall many times. But now its her turn to take it down.

As our talk progressed I sensed some distance between us. So I told her I love her. Then there was a deafening silence. I knew it. She's backing away. I told her it was alright and I understand where she's at. She apologized but then started with that list of reasons why this is wrong. She also threw in the irrational comment about how things would definately end if she just confessed everything to her husband. Then it would be all over. But things really didn't turn sour until she started to blame me for not keeping my promise I made the last time we got together. I reminded her that I promised I would shut down voicemail and not make any attempts to email her for 30 days. That's when I uttered that damning fact. She left ME an email. I heard a gasp from her, then a "you take it back" plea. Then a "that really hurts" comment. I knew immediately this was going to be trouble. She considers the 30 days a challenge now. She assures me she won't be back before then. And then she thanked me for reminding her that, among all the other things in her life she feels she has failed at, she has failed at something again.