It's Over
Her last message to me:
I guess I have been living a lie. It was never intentional. The feelings I've been having were analyzed by you. You would tell me how I felt...and turn my feelings into something they weren't. I would start to question myself...'maybe he's right'..maybe it is guilt...maybe it is my defense mechanism. It hasn't been fair to you. I realize this now. I'm sorry if it's too late and I've hurt you worse than if I would have been more convincing a year or two ago. -if I had been more sure of myself. When I read your note about the voicemail...really hit home. This isn't fair to you. I don't check for those reasons...I haven't checked for those reasons for a very long time. I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Not like this.
That hurts.
I guess I have been living a lie. It was never intentional. The feelings I've been having were analyzed by you. You would tell me how I felt...and turn my feelings into something they weren't. I would start to question myself...'maybe he's right'..maybe it is guilt...maybe it is my defense mechanism. It hasn't been fair to you. I realize this now. I'm sorry if it's too late and I've hurt you worse than if I would have been more convincing a year or two ago. -if I had been more sure of myself. When I read your note about the voicemail...really hit home. This isn't fair to you. I don't check for those reasons...I haven't checked for those reasons for a very long time. I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Not like this.
That hurts.
posted by do_in_it_2 | 9:16 AM
2 Comments:
I'm sorry.
I know that hurt.
Here if you need to talk. . .
What is the note about the voicemail that really hit home? I'm trying to go back through your last few weeks to figure out what that is.
This doesn't make a lot of sense to me, but then again, I often get the feeling that I'm flipping through a book here without reading it from start to finish. Not your fault; there's a lot to tell about three years and two people, but I just wonder "what is guilt? what did she need to be more convincing about? what is this in response to?"
Anyway, I'm sorry it hurts.
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