He Knows About Us.
Or at least he has told Sara that he knows something is going on. He also told her he doesn't want to continue living like this and asked her to stop, or leave. Of course, he's said this a few times before, and I believe he'd say it even if nothing is going on. But what was different this time is a comment he made to her telling her he has come to grips knowing that things will happen and that he could handle a few random flings, but not her being somebodies mistress. At least that was what she concluded from his comments. I found all this out when she finally (after 3 days) checked in. It's possible that's why she was gone for awhile, but she never said when that conversation took place. He walked in on her earlier this week when she was checking messages and questioned who she was talking too. He didn't buy her answer. This is a phase he goes in and out of. Questioning everything she does, and then doubting her answers. She, of course, is feeling very guilty because she knows he's right, even though he's just grasping at straws. Needless to say, she wants some space right now to let things settle. She is certain he will try to find a way to monitor her phone calls, at least the outgoing and incoming phone numbers. Is that possible?
I told her she probably had been neglecting him a little too long and that's what is prompting this display of insecurity. I suggested that she take care of his needs, but keep me oblivious to that. LOL. This is turning out to be a very rocky fourth anniversary.
I told her she probably had been neglecting him a little too long and that's what is prompting this display of insecurity. I suggested that she take care of his needs, but keep me oblivious to that. LOL. This is turning out to be a very rocky fourth anniversary.
posted by do_in_it_2 | 6:43 AM
12 Comments:
Problem is, it isn't just a random display of insecurity. That would be the case if what he was feeling wasn't true.
If you guys are so in love with one another, get together all ready. Why do you take the chance at real love and happiness away from your spouses?
The selfishness of individuals like yourself simply amaze me. The lengths one will go to satisfy themselves using any excuse necessary to make themselves feel better about their devious behaviors.
The bottomline is, actions such as these destroy families more often than not.
You wouldn't believe the ways individuals can be tracked these days if someone has a little ingenuity and the desire to do so. Just as it is easier than ever to cheat and find someone to cheat, it is easier than ever to catch as well.
Tracking of phone calls, your vehicle's location, and even every single thing you do on the computer can be monitored and stored for viewing later.
One never knows, her husband may not be as ignorant of the situation as he portrays. If I were in his situation, I'd gather every shred of evidence I could find and the party at fault would be lucky to have visitation with the children without being monitored.
It's all possible that he's cheating as well...thus the questions, insecurities, suspicions. If you are looking for these "signs"...may be some sort of guilty conscience.
I think it will be coincidental to see you at that other gig you were talking about in your previous post...but if Sara didn't talk to you (can't remember) then he might not have reason to suspect you.
Wow, if he does suspect you and it gets ugly...makes for interesting post!
PS. in reference to the comment in your previous post, I don't know how you can live with it either...
anon - you must not understand what real love is or else you'd realize its not an emotion that you can turn on and off. my wife would have to make a drastic change in character, appearance, or technique for me to be able to love her any differently than i do now. does that make sense? i'm not robbing her of any less love and happiness than i'm capable of giving to her right now, with, or without, Sara.
Leandra - you have no idea how many times i'd thought about that possiblity that he cheats as well. he's out of town alot. he obviously loves gorgeous women. and definately does not get his fill at home.
Please don't patronize me with, "You must not understand real love".
I am to assume that you believe you know what love is? You love your wife, you love your mistress and soon enough you will love the new fling you have in tow as well.
Call me confused, but you claim to love your wife, yet you went outside your marriage. Then you claim to love Sara, but found yet another woman because you weren't satisfied.
And, I am to believe that you know what love is. I'd say your idea of love is quite distored.
Just imagine how far you could be, if you put as much effort into your marriage as you put into your affairs.
Your posts and comments are riddled with excuse after excuse of why you view your actions to be justifiable.
Perhaps it would be somewhat different if this were a case of two people just unable to be together due to life circumstances. But, the new fling cancels all that out in my mind. You are a cheater, plain and simple. No matter who you are with, eventually they will not satisfy you and the cycle begins again.
Have you considered therapy? To pinpoint the problem that causes you to act this way?
Leandra
Her husband's statement of, "he could handle a few random flings, but not her being somebodies mistress." could possibly mean that he's had a one nighter here and there. But, there is truth to that statement. There is a difference between a sexual encounter that didn't mean anything, and a four year affair that involves physical and emotional ties.
Anon - I appreciate your concern and for taking the time to point out what you see wrong with what I'm doing. But you must understand, I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING IS WRONG. I make no excuses trying to justify otherwise. And if you think Nastya is just another fling, then you haven't been paying attention. And you just have to trust me that I 'work' on my marriage on a daily basis. Wouldn't life be just dandy if things were as black and white as we'd hope it would be. But unfortunately there are an infinite amount of variables that do a good job of distorting that reality. We all try to adjust to meet a compromise between what's reality and what we'd like reality to be like. It's wonderful your life doesn't require such compromise. Embrace it.
Hi hon,
If you recall, we had a close call too.
It brought us back to reality.
I just don't want anyone in your situation to get hurt.
Anonymous can't even post without having somewhat of an identity, although his/her words are something to think about.
There are a few of us blogging that have elected to share our stories and I think he/she will find that we all don't enter into these affairs lightly and without a tremendous amount of angst.
And mostly, if things are going so well at home, most of us would not be in an affair situation (at least I wouldn't be.)
Why not just leave and run away with our lovers? Many, many reasons. Children, finances, family pain.
Why have the affair? Well, I just can't put aside my needs (sexual, intimacy, etc.) for the rest of my life. And my SO, well, he is who is and can't change. I for one, am doing what I can to keep my family happy and protected and I guess I am a bit selfish about trying to take care of just some of my needs too.
And I truly think there is something actually better about a longer term, monogamous affair with ONE person, than one-night stands.
I think Anon is right-
You, me and all of us other "affair bloggers" will twist anything to justify what we are doing.
You say that you don't try to justify it, but you always do. I have seen you do it from the beginning of your posts. I did it too. It's the only way to deal with the "tremendous amount of angst" (as beautiful face said).
That's fine-whatever helps you sleep at night-but make no mistake. . .take it from the child of cheaters (both parents) you ARE affecting your family and kids. You can believe that you aren't. . .but one day it will bite you in the ass.
I am not trying to sounds mean or judgmental (people in glass houses. . .), I am just saying someone always gets hurt-always. I have enver,e ver seens an affair where someone didn't get hurt-and I come from Affairland (lol-that was a silly name). Almost always it's an innocent party.
Be careful.
jus·ti·fy
1-To demonstrate or prove to be just, right, or valid
2-To declare free of blame; absolve.
3-To free (a human) of the guilt and penalty attached to grievous sin
I never meant to give the impression that I'm trying to justify this affair. The only thing I've done is searched for reasons why it's happening. Completely different animals.
Another anonymous.. How does one who is married and having an affair stop the viscious cycle of keep going back to the one who you think is giving you what you need outside the marriage? Is it possible to be in love with your spouse and fall in love with another? If so, how does one cope with the loss of the loved one whom you've had an affair -- and now it's over? What do you do? Try and stay friends? Banish this person from your life forever? Just curious, anyone who has had an emotional/sexual affair outside the marriage - what have you done when the affair is over? how have you moved on?
2nd Anon - I can't tell if your question was rhetorical or not. But I'll assume it was since the answer to each question is different for each individual. I know in my case that it is possible to love my spouse AND be in love with my 'other'.
Bad Girl's bottom line about people being hurt is dead-on. Its why I had to break the cycle of what I was doing
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