Answers to Questions
These were questions asked by a reader that I felt others may also share so I'm posting the answers for all to see.
-Do you enjoy the lies, deceit and manipulations?
Tough one to answer since there really is none of that going on. I've never had to lie, deceive, or manipulate neither my wife, nor Sara. Its arguable that some of my emotional responses to things Sara had done or said could be interpreted as manipulative, but they were just that, an emotional response.
-Do you enjoy the thrill of the affair?
Yes.
-Why do you need her to explain why she needs to "leave" (note: she isn't with you, so she really isn't leaving you) as opposed to just accepting her decision?
I don't know why I need to know, but I've realized that when I do know, I find it easier to keep my distance thus possibly facilitating a successful end to the affair. Hasn't worked yet, but the chances are greatly improved. And yes, she would be leaving me. She owns a huge part of my heart. It would go with her if she were to disappear.
-Why do you continue on in an affair that is something that seems awfully destructive to Sara?
Because I'm still nuts about her. I guess I foolishly believe that we can remain a big part of each others lives without disrupting the rest of our lives. I'm successful at it, and I have hopes Sara will eventually find that compromise as well.
-Do you enjoy the lies, deceit and manipulations?
Tough one to answer since there really is none of that going on. I've never had to lie, deceive, or manipulate neither my wife, nor Sara. Its arguable that some of my emotional responses to things Sara had done or said could be interpreted as manipulative, but they were just that, an emotional response.
-Do you enjoy the thrill of the affair?
Yes.
-Why do you need her to explain why she needs to "leave" (note: she isn't with you, so she really isn't leaving you) as opposed to just accepting her decision?
I don't know why I need to know, but I've realized that when I do know, I find it easier to keep my distance thus possibly facilitating a successful end to the affair. Hasn't worked yet, but the chances are greatly improved. And yes, she would be leaving me. She owns a huge part of my heart. It would go with her if she were to disappear.
-Why do you continue on in an affair that is something that seems awfully destructive to Sara?
Because I'm still nuts about her. I guess I foolishly believe that we can remain a big part of each others lives without disrupting the rest of our lives. I'm successful at it, and I have hopes Sara will eventually find that compromise as well.
posted by do_in_it_2 | 12:27 PM
3 Comments:
"By opening herself up to me, and not supressing her feelings, might just go a long way in us finally doing the right thing." The right thing is...? By your earlier accounts, that would appear to be: both of you deceiving your spouses and your selves (to an extent) and fucking once or twice a year till you're 72 or whatever? Unless you change your mind about the not-complete marriage you appear to have...? Or she does? Rmpltuskn is right when she says Sara knows what she needs, though I wager that what she needs is for you to 'choose' her, dump your family, and make her your wife. The fragmentation and mind/body separation she's got and admits to me means that she lives less-than-whole. People do not continue with that emotional agony for too long -- hence her constant dumping of you. In some ways, for you to expect her to continue this till you both die is pretty self-involved. [Before any of your commenters savage me and tell me I am mean, He can take my comments, and further, I've read the entire blog & have been here a while, so I am NOT just being nasty out of spite or boredom. I'm engaging in an out-loud train of thought with thi Blogger.] --VM--
VM - Guess I'm not sure how we're deceiving ourselves. Just because I think something can be someway - and if it winds up differently - doesn't mean I've deceived myself. Only that I was wrong. Likewise, just because my desire is for her to 'compromise' so that we keep things like they are doesn't necessarily mean its self-involved. No more than her desire for us to be together all the time makes her wants self-involved. They're both things we desire for 'us'.
But I totally agree with what you say is possibly the reason Sara keeps dumping me.
Thx for the straight answers.
It seems to me (and from what you have briefly written about your flirtations with another woman) that the "thrill" is a major part of things.
And, depending on how one defines a deceit, it seems to me that sleeping with someone other than your wife (without her knowledge) is deception. No real judgment on that (god knows I did it enough). I just prefer that all parties are fully informed and can make their own choices.
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