You Knew.

You knew it was coming eventually. Yup. Gone again. We had a wonderful weekend, I was out of town and so was her husband. Lots of phone and textmessaging. We even talked about our relationship and why its so hard for her. This is the kind of honesty I rarely get from Sara. I felt we turned a new corner. I left her this email this morning:

i wanna be with you all the time. every place i go i put us there. i realize these are just words and i don't have the balls to turn it into reality and it probably just makes things harder when i say these things. but - i just need you to know.

I got this in return:

not emotionally ready for anything. there's such turmoil inside of me. I turn into a different person around husband & kids. Don't like that person. Liked the way I felt & acted the 3 weeks (or whatever it was) that I was gone. I hope you understand. You know how I feel about you...it just doesn't mix with my life I have right now. This should be easier for you...leaving on good terms. You know I need that fight in me to stay away, so it will be harder on me.
I'm so sorry. I don't mean to cause an emotional roller coaster for you. But I can't cause that same roller coaster for my family which is what happens everytime we make contact again. You and I both know I'll probably be back. But I at least have to keep trying.

And that is an inevitability. She will keep trying. Of course I was sad when I read this, but then again, in the past she never would let me inside her head/heart during these times. She does now. Yes, we've turned a corner, just not the one I keep hoping for.