This Sucks

Not a peep in well over 30 days. I'm slipping away from the good place I was at, and was hoping to remain. Yes, I know she has been trying for 4 years to find the strength to do what's right. Yes, I know this is probably much harder on her. Yes, I know it has nothing to do with the level of love she probably still has for me. Yes, I know she would drop her present life for a future with me if I just asked. But I won't so - Yes, I know it couldn't have gone on forever. Wait. Yes, I did. Or rather in some unexplainable way it would last forever. I seem to have a problem placing her as part of my past. I always saw her in my future. Somehow. Someway. Someday.

The last time we talked, religion, or rather her religious beliefs, was the focus of our discussion. She sincerely believes her loved ones, specifically her husband and children, will bare the weight of her punishment. If her husband loses that 3.5 million dollar contract - its because of her. If her son is doing poorly in school - its because of her. If one of her children gets seriously ill - its because of her. I listened. I knew better than to discuss someones beliefs. But I almost bit my tongue off in doing so. I only tried to assure her that I wasn't the devil.