Try Again.
Things have been ok since Sara got back from her mini-vacation. I was expecting her to be distant, and to want to cancel our getting together. So I left her an email telling her it was ok to stay away for awhile and ride out the 'family high' she was probably going to be on. I was right on all counts, but I was careful to keep my distance, yet be there for her. Then I received email from her:
we've made it this far and we've both walked away feeling sad, but good. (after disconnecting voicemail) the next and final step is to change email psswd. it's time. The three week window showed us both that our marriages (or at least mine..i know you can go both ways) can be awesome if we (I) give it 100% effort. Please think about it. I can't explain it. But knowing it's here, it's hard not to look. The phone thing was a huge step for me. Now I am ready for the next one.
She plans on walking away again and is asking that I do away with one more thing that has kept her coming back. Honestly, I know I can only do that for her if we see each other one more time. But its my guess she won't agree to meeting up because it would have the opposite affect for her. But I asked anyway, reminding her we were almost there after the last time. Her response:
keeps getting less & less possible. you know money is tight...tons of things going on with kid's school that i'm hiring sitter two or more times a week. running out of excuses. plus husband is definitely paying more attention. i know you can do it without that one last time. question is will you. i can only ask.
Guess the one comment that stands out more than anything is "i know you can do it without that one last time." Does she really believe that? Even in our last conversation she said she still doesn't believe it upsets me when she tells me about her 'wifely duties' with husband. (I know it happens, I just keep telling her I don't want to know 'when' it happens). So, is this a true belief of hers, or is she being condenscending towards me? I don't know how I'm going to respond. Not that that matters anyway.
we've made it this far and we've both walked away feeling sad, but good. (after disconnecting voicemail) the next and final step is to change email psswd. it's time. The three week window showed us both that our marriages (or at least mine..i know you can go both ways) can be awesome if we (I) give it 100% effort. Please think about it. I can't explain it. But knowing it's here, it's hard not to look. The phone thing was a huge step for me. Now I am ready for the next one.
She plans on walking away again and is asking that I do away with one more thing that has kept her coming back. Honestly, I know I can only do that for her if we see each other one more time. But its my guess she won't agree to meeting up because it would have the opposite affect for her. But I asked anyway, reminding her we were almost there after the last time. Her response:
keeps getting less & less possible. you know money is tight...tons of things going on with kid's school that i'm hiring sitter two or more times a week. running out of excuses. plus husband is definitely paying more attention. i know you can do it without that one last time. question is will you. i can only ask.
Guess the one comment that stands out more than anything is "i know you can do it without that one last time." Does she really believe that? Even in our last conversation she said she still doesn't believe it upsets me when she tells me about her 'wifely duties' with husband. (I know it happens, I just keep telling her I don't want to know 'when' it happens). So, is this a true belief of hers, or is she being condenscending towards me? I don't know how I'm going to respond. Not that that matters anyway.
posted by do_in_it_2 | 10:09 AM
5 Comments:
Well, here is your chance-you just said a few posts ago that you were on your way to doing the "right thing".
This is a chance to step-up, get rid of the email and sever the ties. She is ready to move on and you have to let her without "One last time"
You love her and that is what is best for her.
I am not going to say this isn't going to hurt-it will hurt like hell. But that is pretty much the only outcome for affairs.
You knew that.
Yep. Bad Girl got it. Affairs = pain. And drama and sex and all that, blah blah blah. But affairs = pain bc either the spouses discover it, the 'affairees' end it, or some combination. If you love her, you gotta let it go. The hard part is having to suffer in silence because no one can really know if you're hurting, except us. --VM--
I think in their own way everybody needs 'one last time'...I know each time I have left Q, I needed that closure in order to refocus etc.
Closure tends to be very under-rated...sometimes you need a definitive point whereby your emotions come to the surface and overflow, you feel the pain and the sorrow of letting go...then you start to deal with it in order to move on.
Just a suggestion anyway :)
Mermaid Girl
MG - You've got it right regarding the 'one last time' issue. As much as I hate that word (closure), it does apply here.
Surprise surprise.
I am with VM & Bad Girl on this one.
End it now
Respect her wishes
It'll hurt
But not as bad as the pain of bringing other spouses & kids into it
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