It's Over.
Now who really believes that? Things got really scary this past weekend. Sara truly went off the deep end. I think this email I wrote is what set things off.
regret. been thinking alot about that lately. when i ask myself why i can't let you go, the answer is always regret. i know i'll regret it if i stop fighting for you. but i don't know how much longer i can hold onto you. i'm sure your mind is saying 'its about time', but i doubt your heart agrees. but will i also regret waiting for someone who never comes? is there somebody out there who will be content? but then regret i let that happen if you choose to come back? a vicious circle. but i remind myself that my love for you is unconditional, and i won't let that happen.
"is there somebody out there who will be content?" That is what set her off. I guess it prompted a final push from her to make me 'shit or get off the pot' as she put it. Now what's ironic, or sad, is the face she showed while doing this, was about as ugly as it can get. (I have no desire to explain just how ugly) How in the world could she feel I'd have any desire to move on with her after seeing this side of her? I know it was a cumulation of years of frustrations. With herself and with me. But it was pretty much like her beating me with a bat while asking me to decide between her or the road.
Truth be told, I was nearing that point myself as well. I had just started what I felt was a final campaign to get her to come around my way. It was a 4 step process, and she interrupted it before step 2. Of course this is probably a moot point, other than pointing out the fact that I was probably ready to see a final decision made as well.
To her, this common email account we shared was the final thread connecting us. She was unable to severe it by staying away. And I was unable to stop writing her emails. This thread was something she told me I didn't deserve to have. Not if I didn't have the balls to make something together with her. But she had a stroke of genius and had come up with a way to remove this final link between us. She told me if the account stays open, she will anonymously email my wife the account name and password. This assures her that if I choose to continue writing emails, it better be something I won't mind my wife reading. Well, she's got me. Very clever. I locked the account.
regret. been thinking alot about that lately. when i ask myself why i can't let you go, the answer is always regret. i know i'll regret it if i stop fighting for you. but i don't know how much longer i can hold onto you. i'm sure your mind is saying 'its about time', but i doubt your heart agrees. but will i also regret waiting for someone who never comes? is there somebody out there who will be content? but then regret i let that happen if you choose to come back? a vicious circle. but i remind myself that my love for you is unconditional, and i won't let that happen.
"is there somebody out there who will be content?" That is what set her off. I guess it prompted a final push from her to make me 'shit or get off the pot' as she put it. Now what's ironic, or sad, is the face she showed while doing this, was about as ugly as it can get. (I have no desire to explain just how ugly) How in the world could she feel I'd have any desire to move on with her after seeing this side of her? I know it was a cumulation of years of frustrations. With herself and with me. But it was pretty much like her beating me with a bat while asking me to decide between her or the road.
Truth be told, I was nearing that point myself as well. I had just started what I felt was a final campaign to get her to come around my way. It was a 4 step process, and she interrupted it before step 2. Of course this is probably a moot point, other than pointing out the fact that I was probably ready to see a final decision made as well.
To her, this common email account we shared was the final thread connecting us. She was unable to severe it by staying away. And I was unable to stop writing her emails. This thread was something she told me I didn't deserve to have. Not if I didn't have the balls to make something together with her. But she had a stroke of genius and had come up with a way to remove this final link between us. She told me if the account stays open, she will anonymously email my wife the account name and password. This assures her that if I choose to continue writing emails, it better be something I won't mind my wife reading. Well, she's got me. Very clever. I locked the account.
posted by do_in_it_2 | 6:30 AM
10 Comments:
Soooo confused.... So you say you hve all this love for her, but you don't want to give up anything to be with her. You have to ask yourself are you just using her ?
Using her for what?
As hard as it is, let go now. Just stop, feel the pain, work through it, and then when you're ready move on. I know that it's hard. Believe me, I know, but things do start to get better if you allow yourself to heal, and you will never heal as long as you refuse to let go.
Sex !!!! IS that what you wanted her for ?
Not sure what there is to heal from, she gave you a choice, you chose not to be with her. If you love her as much as you say then why not be with her
Anonymous 2 (or maybe you are the same as the first)-
They haven't had sex in ages. That's why that can't be the answer.
I really ahve always had a hard time understanding this affair, however, I am in no place to judge people.
It just seems like DII2 enjoys the distraction of Sarah, of the hunt. Of coming up with ways to win her back. But really-he wants what is good for him and not for her. We are all selfish in our own ways in all ways. This is his thing.
I don't know. I don't understand it, but I do hope DII2 can find peace. As long as he is happy with himself and his actions, than we have no place to judge him.
I have you in my thoughts.
Well, it hasn't been ages, just infrequent enough that it can't be the reason. As to wanting only whats best for me - that is totally wrong. It's wanting what is best for my, as well as her, family. Yes, we've put that at risk by what we're doing, but that's about as far as I can go. At least there is a chance if caught, that the marriages will stay intact. To make the conscience decision to split them up, that's not an option for me. And I'm convinced she wouldn't make that decision either.
Hi
Then let it go. Whats the Point !!!
its just selfish! Let it go, it makes no sense. Whats best for your family ? PLEASE !!!
I'm sure you weren't thinking about your family when you were spending time with her. I agree Sh*( or get off the pot if your not going to be with her let it go!
Done !!!
I've read this for awhile now..its always seemed so painful and full of games to me. I think it is finally time to walk away. Leave her behind and enjoy the life you have. Stop wondering about the life you "imagine" could be good..
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