Wednesday.
Well, Sara has checked in a couple times last week. It has been almost a month since the last time she was in. Still hiding though, and that's what will make Wednesday an interesting day. One of the emails I left was a time and place to meet up. She read that one last Tuesday, giving her plenty of time to rearrange her schedule if necessary. She knows I will be there regardless if I hear from her or not. Question is, will she be there as well?
posted by do_in_it_2 | 6:18 AM
5 Comments:
Hmmm...this will be interesting.
Perhaps a TSN turning point for you if she does not show.
For your sake, I almost hope she doesn't show. It might help to move you forward in the it-hurts-but-I'm-starting-to-move-on phase.
Well, I'm not so sure that'll push me away. I know I've put a lot of pressure on her doing this. I know she wants to. It's just a matter if she finds the resolve not to. If she doesn't show up, I'll feel bad more because of what I just put her through.
Of course, if she shows, I'll make sure she'll feel it was worth it.
I'm the Fuckit Dude.
To answer your questions.
No, there was no single moment where I said to myself, 'No More, got to end it'. It was a hard and slow process. Making the decision and staying the course. Very hard. Still is to some degree.
It’s a painful process, but I’m glad I didn’t encounter a drastic moment.
Either you are going to come to the realization that you really dont want to continue; unlikely since you haven't yet after such a long time.
Or something bad is going to happen, like a carcrash together, getting caught, unwanted pregnancy etc.
So it could be worse.
I agree with everyone’s comments to your post, only pain comes from affairs.
Did you see how many people said they won’t go through another affair? Everyone.
Regarding the question about what to focus your attention on next. I think its the wrong question. Why do you need something?
Isn't your currrent marriage and kid enough? Why another affair? I know the sex is dirty (dirty x3, haha) and good. But why another situation?
See, here's where us humans in these situations (including myself) confuse me. We value our current marriage, spouse and/or kids enough to stay, but not enough to Not to have affairs. So we end up in no mans land. And then when we end the affair, we want to replace it with something else, like a new hobby (usually short lived), skydiving?, maybe something self destructive like drinking, wallowing in depression since we chose to go back to our existing passionless marriage, or another affair. In my opinion another affair is the worst option since it restarts the cycle. Its like russian roulette. Affairs have consequences, not if, but when. Playing the game again, only increases your chances statistically of hitting those consequences.
Shouldn’t you value yourself or your own life more? If your current marriage is enough to make you not want to break it off, and go at it alone, why choose this no mans land.
I agree with Kirsten's comment. 'I got nothing'. So true.
And with the other comment that its totally worth it, when you wake up and realize one day, why did I do it to myself for so long!
My last thought. If you can swap this affair with an easier one, maybe a hotter woman, more frequent sex, less drama, would you do it?
If your answer is yes, it doesn’t mean you want affairs. Reverse your thinking. Your goal should then be a relationship with a hot woman, more frequent sex, excitement. If you can’t get it from your current marriage, or any long term relationship, then you can definitely still get it from dating. Affairs just seem to be one of the hardest ways to get what you want.
If your answer is no, then what are you doing?
I'm dying to find out what happened yesterday. So was she a show or no show?
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