Truth.
Truth be told, I'm really upset that things weren't different this time. It seems the more open she is when she comes back, the quicker she closes back up and leaves. It seems that its those times when she is more cautious and reserved, being careful not to say the L word, is when she stays around a lot longer. I know, I know, most of you women will totally understand that, but I don't, and it really really sucks.
She was gone an awful long time, and came back for reasons unknown to me. But it obviously wasn't because her thinking has changed. Or maybe she thought it did? Maybe she began to feel something is better than nothing. Only to find out it really is more complicated than that.
Oh, maybe I should mention what made this time feel like it would be different. She actually, willingly, devulged her daily schedule to me. Not totally, but when I didn't press, she volunteered it. This is a first - at least in a long, long time. She always felt that by me knowing this, I'd use it to my advantage in some way. And she was right to feel that way. So why tell me now?
The first way I'll use it is to send her a belated birthday present. Knowing what day she's home helps me plan on having it arrive on that day. Of course, I'll also know what day/time I can be assured she's home if I decided to call her. Think this was her intention?
She was gone an awful long time, and came back for reasons unknown to me. But it obviously wasn't because her thinking has changed. Or maybe she thought it did? Maybe she began to feel something is better than nothing. Only to find out it really is more complicated than that.
Oh, maybe I should mention what made this time feel like it would be different. She actually, willingly, devulged her daily schedule to me. Not totally, but when I didn't press, she volunteered it. This is a first - at least in a long, long time. She always felt that by me knowing this, I'd use it to my advantage in some way. And she was right to feel that way. So why tell me now?
The first way I'll use it is to send her a belated birthday present. Knowing what day she's home helps me plan on having it arrive on that day. Of course, I'll also know what day/time I can be assured she's home if I decided to call her. Think this was her intention?
posted by do_in_it_2 | 6:56 AM
3 Comments:
Yes, I definitely think that was her intention. She can no more give you up than you can give her up.
Or at least that's my guess based on my own experiences.
Truth is that something is often not better than nothing because it reminds you that the 10% something obliterates the 100% you have at home and cannot compare - I know...it's complicated - I like that you are sounding truthful - like it's not a game - because for her, I am sure it's not - it's painful - complicated - awful and heartbreaking - this is why there are many, many people out there going through the same thing..
Interesting blog... I'll be back, if that's OK.
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