Really Quiet Now.
Against my better judgement, I decided to call Sara today. I took her giving me her daily schedule as a guilt free way of her asking me to call her occasionally. Well, that's not the case at this moment. She hung up on me before I could get the 3rd word out. I made a mistake.
Here has been the last 3 weeks in a nutshell:
Three weeks ago we talk - enjoyable conversation. Twice, including phone sex.
She wants me to know her schedule - I figure so I know when I can call and what days we can possibly meet up.
She even suggests doing our 'anniversaries' together. Check into the same hotel. Arrange to go to the same restaurant. (Our anniversaries are less than a month apart)
I suggest that if it keeps her around longer, so we can talk more often, then I'm willing to put off meeting too soon. Knowing what that puts her through.
Then I tell her I'm going on vacation and will be locking the account to help us both - and asking her to please be here when I come back. Otherwise I'll be calling.
I call her during vacation - being glad I had an 'excuse' to call. (inside joke)
She was fine, she didn't hang up on me.
I come back - she's not here.
I call - she hangs up on me.
Here has been the last 3 weeks in a nutshell:
Three weeks ago we talk - enjoyable conversation. Twice, including phone sex.
She wants me to know her schedule - I figure so I know when I can call and what days we can possibly meet up.
She even suggests doing our 'anniversaries' together. Check into the same hotel. Arrange to go to the same restaurant. (Our anniversaries are less than a month apart)
I suggest that if it keeps her around longer, so we can talk more often, then I'm willing to put off meeting too soon. Knowing what that puts her through.
Then I tell her I'm going on vacation and will be locking the account to help us both - and asking her to please be here when I come back. Otherwise I'll be calling.
I call her during vacation - being glad I had an 'excuse' to call. (inside joke)
She was fine, she didn't hang up on me.
I come back - she's not here.
I call - she hangs up on me.
posted by do_in_it_2 | 1:08 PM
11 Comments:
"Then I tell her I'm going on vacation and will be locking the account to help us both - and asking her to please be here when I come back. Otherwise I'll be calling."
Maybe hanging up on you is her way of saying you don't get to make all the rules?
Well, I would agree except for the fact that when I called her during the week I was gone, she was fine. A little distant, but good.
Fuckit dude. Sorry for the curse, but seriously is this just too hard!
Been reading your blog for two years now.
Cause I had been in a relationship, where we both were with someone else. We cut it off, it was hard, took man months, but it really was up to me to let go and delete all my emails, and change my phone, unsubscribe my secret voip account.
Now its over. And once you've got that person out of your mind, its a different world. I didnt' want to. Really, I would have continued to sneak around, get together, have the intimate relationship, enjoy the highs, but its really no way to sustain it over years. It would just give me a coronary eventually.
Thats my experience, and yours is of course very different. All the best.
Anon - thanks a bunch for you candor, I really appreciate it. I'm curious what/when was the turning point for you? Aside from common sense, what made you finally cut it off. The problem I'm having is that I don't want to. I keep waiting for that something to click. Something that makes me wake up one day and decide its time. What was that for you?
Maybe there isn't that click factor though?
Perhaps it just has to be a firm decision from you, then you just do it - knowing it will be hard, knowing it will hurt like hell, that there will be tears and self doubt and moments of weakness but if YOU make the decision then you have to be true to yourself by seeing it through.
I believe you have to want to do it though because if your heart isn't in leaving her you will always find a reason to go back.
Anon is right - it can take months - and that isn't an appealing thought, no matter which way you view it - but god it is SO very worth it.
You don't realise how much you have sacrified of yourself, of your relationships with family and friends - of your mental and emotional well being - until it is over and you find that all in yourself again - and without having her there is provide the fleeting highs that serve to mask what you are compromising - that is the only way you will discover what it is you have been missing all this time.
Good luck with whatever you decide :)
Man, I've been reading you for awhile. Mesmerizing story. Aren't you tired of the drama? It almost exhausts me reading it. It seems like you two would have gotten back together in person at least once or did I miss something. How long HAS it been?
I'm afraid to look. Let's see...... it was August '06. And that was unplanned. Since then she's backed out of meeting up 2 times.
Am I tired of the drama? I guess awhile back I learned to 'compartmentalize' (don't like that word) our affair. So it keeps me from letting this take over my life. But, although I wish she wasn't so fickle, I haven't grown tired of the thought of seeing her again.
It really gets tiring. I once thought I'd never grow tired of imagining that we'd see each other again. Just like you. But years later I realized I was wasting time and energy on someone (the wrong someone). I live with the someone who deserves all my time and energy. I finally ended all contact with the other person. It is amazing how clearly you can look at life when you're not hanging on to something unsatisfying.
This is my first time posting here, but I've been reading this blog for sometime...I'm a 20-something girl with a married "lover"....
I love the excitement, love the sex, love the relationship. I don't want any of it to change.
The guy I'm with has a wife who is dead from the waist down. I've been with him for about 3 years now.
I love the unrestrained passion, the inhibition, the dirty, dirty, dirty (can I say "dirty" again?) sex that I have with him. I can do "anything" with him and that's what I like the best.
He loves anal sex with me. He loves the taste of my pussy. He's perfect.
Why would anyone give that up????
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Wow anon. My thoughts exactly. lol.
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