Denial
I'm getting the impression that many of you think I'm the one in denial. Yes, I know that's possible, but if so, I've been in denial since the first month we met. These comments she is making is nothing new. Yet I fall for it everytime - because I realize feelings can eventually change. So this might actually be the first time she really means it. Only time will tell. But I must admit that I have a very special reader out there that sees herself in Sara. Without exception. Everything I've written about Sara, and more importantly, everything I haven't written about Sara has been described back to me - in detail. And because of that, this woman now knows that there is at least one other person out there who deals with things the same way. Rides the same emotional rollercoaster of desires, frustrations, euphoria, melancholy, specialness, jealousy, wanting and hating.
And I don't know for certain if Kayten is correct in her previous comment. Yes, she's a stay at home mom with 4 kids. She married her husband for the financial security, dumping the guy she loved because she saw an unsecure future with him. In the first year of our affair her marriage became really rocky. She wanted out but I could not provide her an out. I suggested she see her old boyfriend (since he was still single) to find out if she still had doubts about her decision to drop him. She came back with a renewed sense that she made the right decision, and actually blamed me for having lost all feelings for him.
On Wednesday I'll know so much more.
And I don't know for certain if Kayten is correct in her previous comment. Yes, she's a stay at home mom with 4 kids. She married her husband for the financial security, dumping the guy she loved because she saw an unsecure future with him. In the first year of our affair her marriage became really rocky. She wanted out but I could not provide her an out. I suggested she see her old boyfriend (since he was still single) to find out if she still had doubts about her decision to drop him. She came back with a renewed sense that she made the right decision, and actually blamed me for having lost all feelings for him.
On Wednesday I'll know so much more.
posted by do_in_it_2 | 8:05 AM
3 Comments:
See, this is where I get confused and frustrated and resolve just to keep my mouth shut. Because I simply do not understand why people play games or say or do anything other than what they mean except for the drama. And I have very, very little respect for drama addicts.
Sorry.
bob - thanks for your comment, but the reality is, if I did what I know is right - this blog wouldn't exist. It's my addiction to this, and what kayten and you might think is drama, that I'm fighting with. Like all addictions, until I decide I really want to stop, any half-ass efforts usually turn out futile.
kayten - people say and do all kinds of things when they feel the end justifies the means.
I didn't mean to sound harsh. I just don't get it. I understand the concept behind a noble lie - "this is for your own good" - but even if that's the case, you've told her if she says plainly she wants it to be over you will accept it, so why doesn't she do that? Or is she doing that, with a lot of embellishment, and you don't believe her? I read your latest post quoting your 'special reader' (does that make the rest of us unspecial? LOL) and I don't understand any of it. Then again, I know I'm a logical person and my terms for an affair were not simply in my head, they were written down and agreed upon, and we're both happy with them.
So I guess I'm totally unqualified to comment because I don't understand the psychology behind this. Either it's what you want and you continue, or it's what you don't want and you end, but this seesawing has got to be exhausting for you both if it's not made-up drama.
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