Knowing What I Know

This really isn't a game although to some of you it may seem that way. Deep down I feel she came back on Monday because things weren't going too well at home. That's why I'm not calling her. If it still was like that she would have checked in again by now. I don't want to take advantage of that kind of situation. I don't want to take advantage of any kind of situation for that matter. For the longest time I felt I really knew her, but there were those things she would do, or not do, or say, or not say, that still would baffle me. Over the last month or so I've come to understand those things as well. But I also know Sara well enough to know she doesn't want me to know her so well. And I'm also very much aware now that she definately does not want me to understand her feelings through the insights of another woman. Duh! I make such dumb mistakes in my attempts to help things.

I will be with her next Tuesday. One of the voice messages I left her that she heard had set the time and date. She has plenty of time to get a babysitter, visit the salon, get her nails done, eyebrows plucked, tan her body, lose gawd knows what weight she feels she needs to lose, and my favorite, clean all her holes. (Her words, not mine.) How do I know she'll show up? I don't. But I do. And she might very well be playing out the scenario she attempts each time we plan on getting together. No communication beforehand. I don't know if it's because she's afraid I'll say something stupid and ruin things, or she'll just lose her nerve. I'm not sure. But no doubt it'll be a long, painful, two hour ride home if I don't get to see her,
kiss her
touch her
gently fuck her.