Between a Rock and a Hard Place.
Once again, my reply to a comment became a new post instead.
Oh hell yeah I want to fuck her. But I also want to hold her, kiss her, stroke her skin, look in her eyes, listen to her voice, hear what's going on in her life, what her kids are up to. Basically just be with her.
If you've followed this whole affair, you'll remember that it has only been recently (july '05) that she ever first hinted of asking me to leave my wife. Any other time she brought it up before was in reference to if 'the shit hits the fan' what would I do. And everytime, I told her I'd be there for her. I only figured out recently that those were probably attempts at feeling out my real intentions for her.
VM, you're totally correct in the problematic logistics involved in us being together. I suspected such and that's why I would never even allow myself to consider going there. Until now. I know for certain Sara has never considered that, and once she had to, maybe she'll realize its totally out of my control. And that its never been a matter of choosing my family over her. Something I desperately need her to believe. And making no attempts to contact her won't help that cause.
Sara has always been insecure with our relationship. Even though I went overboard trying to convince her my love was real and sincere, she still had the ability to find holes where none existed. And thus she has been contradictive in most all of her 'wants'. Big surprise. Lots of women are like that. Her 'wanting' of me fulltime will probably fall apart when she realizes what the aftermath will look like. Her 'all or nothing' is nothing more than a hope that I will show her just how much I love her. What better indication of that than choosing her over my family?
Cards on the table. Through dialogue, I feel she'll come to the same conclusion that I had come to. But I realize there is that chance that she convinces me otherwise. Either way, I want her to know that I have seriously considered it and if its not meant to be, it isn't because I've choosen my family over her. So, removing that insecurity should allow her to decide if its really an 'all or nothing' kind of thing. With the knowledge of why it can't be 'all', and her newly found belief that I truly love her unconditionally, I'm hoping she'll also feel that 'some' is better than 'nothing'.
Oh hell yeah I want to fuck her. But I also want to hold her, kiss her, stroke her skin, look in her eyes, listen to her voice, hear what's going on in her life, what her kids are up to. Basically just be with her.
If you've followed this whole affair, you'll remember that it has only been recently (july '05) that she ever first hinted of asking me to leave my wife. Any other time she brought it up before was in reference to if 'the shit hits the fan' what would I do. And everytime, I told her I'd be there for her. I only figured out recently that those were probably attempts at feeling out my real intentions for her.
VM, you're totally correct in the problematic logistics involved in us being together. I suspected such and that's why I would never even allow myself to consider going there. Until now. I know for certain Sara has never considered that, and once she had to, maybe she'll realize its totally out of my control. And that its never been a matter of choosing my family over her. Something I desperately need her to believe. And making no attempts to contact her won't help that cause.
Sara has always been insecure with our relationship. Even though I went overboard trying to convince her my love was real and sincere, she still had the ability to find holes where none existed. And thus she has been contradictive in most all of her 'wants'. Big surprise. Lots of women are like that. Her 'wanting' of me fulltime will probably fall apart when she realizes what the aftermath will look like. Her 'all or nothing' is nothing more than a hope that I will show her just how much I love her. What better indication of that than choosing her over my family?
Cards on the table. Through dialogue, I feel she'll come to the same conclusion that I had come to. But I realize there is that chance that she convinces me otherwise. Either way, I want her to know that I have seriously considered it and if its not meant to be, it isn't because I've choosen my family over her. So, removing that insecurity should allow her to decide if its really an 'all or nothing' kind of thing. With the knowledge of why it can't be 'all', and her newly found belief that I truly love her unconditionally, I'm hoping she'll also feel that 'some' is better than 'nothing'.
posted by do_in_it_2 | 8:26 AM
1 Comments:
if things were only a shade different.
perhaps some consideration if.
the circumstances and stars aligned.
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