For Every Day
For every day that passes without Sara, is one more day I regret not going further with that other woman. Although I felt I was doing the right thing, it doesn't feel like it at all. Especially now. Her name was Dylan (or Dilon, or Dillon, or ??? I have no idea how to spell it), and she could have been a big help in helping me move on from Sara. Does that mean I love Sara any less? Nope. Would I be setting myself up for another serious affair. Yup. But with a much greater knowledge of how things could inevitably end up, I won't be venturing into uncharted territories. I can make sure I steer a course into much safer waters. But that is not meant to be with Dylan as we were (Ok, I just have to add another boating cliche')just two ships passing in the night. ;)
posted by do_in_it_2 | 1:44 PM
11 Comments:
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Nothing quite as cryptically lyrical as the previous poster, but here's a novel idea: YOU are the only one who can help you get over, feel better, deal with, come to terms with, confront, accept, move on from...your life. From its losses and joys, from the choices you have made, etc. No Other Woman can do that. If you think I am sillyass unromantic pragmatist, I urge you to consider even a tiny slice of Hollywood gossip for evidence. Billy Bob Thornton was married 5 times. In between 4 and 5 he had moved in with Laura Dern. She went to make a film, he jumped into it with Angelina Jolie, and Dern returned to find her boyfriend married to someone else. Rebound? Even after pledging their troth, wearing each other's blood, and describing their sex lives in gory detail in every magazine you could find ("It's so insane sometimes it feels like it might kill us"), they still split up. Shocking really. And then lookit what Angie did...jumped right into it with another rebound guy, Brad Pitt. Emotionally it feels better to rebound I guess, but I think that love/marriage/divorce is more like an attenuated bout of food poisoning! Sure you get over it, but you have to baby yourself, take small bites & small steps, and watch out for a while after food poisoning. Same with love that ends in a split or divorce. --VM--
ifiwerebrave - i do know how fortunate i am. i guess you can say the tragedy is that its not enough for me.
VM (and others) - i am not looking for a rebound. i'm just continuing on the path i was headed when i met Sara. she fulfilled my desire for an affair and it wound up grounding me. giving me a reason to not continue straying elsewhere. if she is gone, so is that ground. but that desire for an affair is burning hot again. it really is that simple.
Wow...this is just twisted. The love you have for your wife, family and Sara just shines through. Good luck sailing those "safe waters" of affairs.
PS: if its just a matter of getting laid, wouldn't it be easier to use adult friend finder or an escort service?
anon - if you think it's just all about getting laid - you don't have a clue. and if you think a burning desire to have an affair diminishes my love for anybody else - well, again.......
there are many reasons one might have an affair. its imprudent to assign circumstantial evidence to a totally different case you are trying to argue. you think?
i don't think you are just twisted...you are just honest...
something to break the cycle of your emotions for sara.. to know you could feel again for someone other than her
there are men all over the place sleeping with everyone they can find without thought, yet you get the lashings...
i understand you darling...i do..
Ah, the enabling.
bella cara's comments are a new low in excuse-making for affairs.
do_in_it_2, a serious question, have you ever thought about just being honest with your wife and telling her that you need to have sex/relationships with others, but want to stay married to her?
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Anon posed the question I often pose because I forget and get stupid...why not be openly non-monogamous? My getting stupid relates to my forgetting that the jazz (and jizz) of affairs is the very fact that they are secret, they provide (adult) drama, and they bring out the individual in our hyperindividualist culture. My other question is always about empathy. What if your spouse, Doinit, were sleeping with or falling in love with someone else? Would you feel nothing? Would you feel happy, relieved, excited, aroused? Angry, hurt, odd, sad? --VM--
I don't think there are ever any easy answers. I tried to suppress my needs. I tried to change my personality. I tried to be openly polyamorous, which X2B at first agreed to in theory, then after put into practice, called me a whore, threatened to expose me to all our friends and family, even have me arrested (infidelity is a misdemeanor in my state) and pursue a battle for custody. Yes, I wanted the emotional highs and was willing to take the lows in exchange, as opposed to feeling nothing at all ever again. In the end, I think I got the best course of action I could ask for, but there was nowhere along the path that it seemed clear.
If there's one thing I've learned it's that every solution looks attractive until it's been tried and failed, and each of us just have to go with what works for us and hope for the best, respecting all others as well as possible (spouses, lovers, ex-lovers, etc.). For some like my former love J whom I saw yesterday, the answer is suppressing half his personality. For my ex-lover D, it was affairs. For me it was divorce and trying to pursue a single life with my own element of honesty. But I don't think any of us were more right or wrong than the other, just trying to find the answer we could each live with. Yes, Do_in_it_2 is being selfish, but he needs to be. He has needs that he has to deal with (through suppression, dealing only with his wife including possibly leaving her over them, or affairs) and no one else is going to have his own best interests at heart besides him. But he has to respect when others, including Sara, place their own best interests over his.
I just don't think there is ever any "right" answer when sexually mismatched people are in an exclusive committed relationship.
the comment left by ifiwerebrave is plaigarized from http://www.alcoholicpoet.com/2005/12/grievances.html
these are my words. not hers.
her entire wordpress blog (http://bemyknife.wordpress.com/2007/04/) is pretty much stolen too. Blogger, wordpress and any content publishing sites should delete and/or ban her.
she is also plaigarized me in the comments at http://willshebeback.blogspot.com/2006/01/its-all-about-me.html
and probably many other places. she may be plaigarizing you too!
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