Much Better.
Well, as you can tell from my previous post, something snapped. And from the condition I was in, I was really dreading the long ride home I had in front of me. As busy as I try to be, there's not much to occupy your mind when you're on a long drive. And my cellphone was going to be the enemy. I even thought about leaving it behind at work so that I wouldn't do anything stupid. Instead I just put it in the trunk and hit the road. An odd thing happened. I smiled the whole way home. And not the kind of smile you would see on a crazed person, lol. All of the nice things Sara's said to me in our last few conversations (as well as emails) all surfaced at once. Totally out of the blue. It was the damndest thing. She was the last person I intended to have on my mind at that time. But I've been here before. I just need to stay here.
posted by do_in_it_2 | 7:45 AM
12 Comments:
If you want to know the difference between an affair and a marriage or another kind of relationship, go read Kayten's latest post. If you want to know the problem of remaining in limbo, or failing to restrain the desire to keep dragging out the ending, go read Mermaid Girl's saga of the last week or so. Every affair I've ever ended had to end with a coolness that could have been mistaken for heartlessness. There's simply no way to mistake an ended affair for any other sort of ended relationship. It is not the same animal, genus, species. Affairs bring together people whose glue is sex, whose mantra is secrecy, whose lifeblood is the taboo. Secret, taboo fuckfests that end cannot transition into workplace friendships, old & dear acquaintances who wish each other well in their new relationships, or buddies who chat about each others' marriages, spouses, and children. That's fantasy land, and it doesn't work, at least when there's still any sexual energy left. You owe it to yourself to keep the cell in the trunk, literally and figuratively. --VM--
VM - My response to that would make for a good post. And it will include a confession of two previous affairs. (Gasp!!) Each one having been different - albeit subtle - from each other.
VM,
Your comment was amazing.
I actually forwarded it to my previous lover D, because I could not for the life of me, figure out why we couldn't remain friends.
He was nothing but kind and gentle with me during the parting but kept insisting that if we saw each other, he could not control his ongoing physical desire for me.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR WELL SPOKEN WORDS... If I knew your email address, I would have thanked you more directly.
bc
VM...Genius response.
Firstly I would like to apologise to D it T for what I am about to do, but this has really hurt me.
VM:
I have taken your comments left on my blog in good grace, I have accepted your criticism of myself and my decisions and at times thought your advice has been quite astute, however I draw the line at being singled out - on another person's blog nonetheless.
If you think that little of what I do, then so be it, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but leave it on my blog, don't be as petty as to slander me on someone elses blog, under the guise of 'illustrating a point'.
Your comment hurt me immensely, not so much in it's content, you have always made your opinion of me perfectly clear, but in how you chose to deliver that.
It would be appreciated in the future if you felt the need to provide some type of justification for your opinion that you kept my name and my situation out of it.
If you feel that strongly about what I do, then feel free to email me - I actually have a profile with contact details.
Any time you feel like starting up a blog for your own outlet, please be sure to send me the link, I am fascinated as to the type of puritan life you live that means you are so perfect and righteous that you feel entitled to pass judgement on everyone else.
Mermaid Girl
Whoa Ms Mermaid...I think you have misinterpreted VM's comment. I don't think she was slamming you or Kayten at all. She was simply saying that (in her experience) affairs generally end abruptly and that finality is necessary in order to truly let go and move on. I think she is also saying that carrying on a 'friendship' with an x-lover, without slipping back into the affair is virtually impossible.
Gotta second Sassy here. Although, ohe has to wonder if VM struck a nerve in a different way.
MG is entitled to her own opinions and feelings, especially at this time in her life, and apologies for even mentioning that since she doesn't want to be mentioned here. All I really wanted to say was even though I can get defensive about what people write about me/my blog/my experiences, VM's mentioning me her comment above was a compliment to the truth I'd written rather than a commentary on my life. No offense on my end, either in what was said or reading it here, just for the record.
Sorry for hijacking, DII2.
Not a problem ladies. I'm enjoying the comments. I will come in defense of VM and say that she has loads of life experiences to draw from when she makes these comments. What I appreciate the most is her ability to not preach when she conveys her thoughts. Something a few other "born againers" need to learn if they really want their message to benefit us lost souls.
I realize I am a bit late to the party, but wanted to second what BC said about VM's comment-it was dead on.
I have never been able to explain clearly to Paul why we can't be friends-but thanks to VM's comment, he knows now.
Well, you know folks, there is life after sex, relationship (including marriage), and breakup (including divorce). I know because I've gone through it personally and I've watched two of my brothers do the same thing. To be clear, it ain't easy, painless or an overnight phenomenon. But these things do exist. The most egregious example of this was my brother's third wedding, where his first two wives showed up THEIR new spouses. Ok, ok, that's not an everyday event, but my point is that human race is capable of just about everything and anything, so there MIGHT be hope in the case of this breakup. The key elements in answering this question are time and attitude (of the breakup parties). They say that time heals all things, and I think that's true in most cases (not all, exception to every rule, etc.). If the emotional wounds can heal, and you've got the interest/attitude, reunions can happen... Good luck..
Enjoyed reading your story--thanks for posting. Was interesting to see how things are from the male perspective. Made me wonder if my soul mate went through the same things as you after our "breakup."
And since I went back and read from the beginning of your blog, I am now patiently awaiting a new entry. What's the holdup? ;)
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