Indicators

I'm sure everyone has indicators that are reflective of 'where' they're at when in or out of a relationship. Makes no difference if its a socially exceptable relationship, or one that's frowned upon, we all have them. Knowingly or unknowingly. I've mentioned a few times that one of my big indicators was how good things were with my wife and me. If Sara and I were good, things with my wife and me were good as well. It was as simple as - when I'm happy, so was everybody else. Another indicator I also have is not so simple to understand. For several years leading up to my first affair, I had become a talk radio person. For whatever reason, and I had a few, I had found myself hooked on it. But something happened when I started to think about that other woman. I started to dust off my heavy metal and big-hair band CD's. Metallica became my emotional fuel. Soon I was updating those collections, catching up on Nirvana, STP, Creed and discovering Godsmack, Linkin Park, Puddle of Mud and P.O.D. This continued on through all three affairs, with a peculiar twist during the last 4 years with Sara. When things were good with us, Metallica was cranking. When things weren't, you could find either Jimmy Buffett, Country, Jazz or Big Band music on my MP3 player. Now keep in mind, most of those previously mentioned bands played 'angry' or 'dark' music. Yet it was my music of choice when I was feeling most alive. Go figure. So what am I listening to now? Well, for the last couple weeks - talk radio. First time in 7 years. Have I now come full circle and find myself content with my previous life again? If so, I find that depressing.