It's Never Enough.
Last Friday I had asked Sara why she made such a big deal about the junk emails, the phone calls, and now her latest concern, snailmail. I was curious because it either occurs rarely, or not at all. Well as it turns out I've been looking at it all wrong. It's not the times that it's actually me. Its those times when it isn't me. Every junk email that wasn't from me. Every 'outsider' phone call that wasn't me. And now every package she gets that doesn't come from me - are the problem. Just like long ago when 30 emails a day wasn't 40, why every one phone call wasn't ten, and why our 4 hours in bed wasn't instead a lifetime. (Most of the blame fell on reality, not on me) It's just never enough. The real reason she closed out her joint email account was actually so that she could zero her expectations of ever getting an email from me. And she wishes she could do likewise with her phone, and her home address. She's not trying to hide from me, she's trying to rid herself of the expectations.
Needless to say that during this conversation didn't lead where I wanted it to lead. She told me she had thrown away the phone card numbers because she felt herself getting sucked back in. Calling me once a day (like she had the whole week) was leaving her feeling empty when we weren't talking. Actually she said it left her feeling miserable. It's never enough. She's gone again.
Needless to say that during this conversation didn't lead where I wanted it to lead. She told me she had thrown away the phone card numbers because she felt herself getting sucked back in. Calling me once a day (like she had the whole week) was leaving her feeling empty when we weren't talking. Actually she said it left her feeling miserable. It's never enough. She's gone again.
posted by do_in_it_2 | 11:46 AM
2 Comments:
It sounds like you're talking about the dark side of what defines 'passionate'...the insatiable element that isn't about sex per se (and therefore may seem appealing or desirable). It's the 'never satisfiable' element of insatiability, the element that leaves a person suffering. To adulterate some Zen Buddhist precepts here, desire causes suffering. And it sounds as if she's a feedback loop of insatiability, which leads to suffering, which enhances unhappiness, and so on and so forth. How do you feel to consider what you've outlined here? Does it give you insight, peace, discomfort, etc? --VM--
Oh darling boy, I am sorry.
Love is a double edged sword that tends to wildly oscillate on almost a dailt basis.
It's a bitch.
Hugs
MG
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