Vacation

Sara surprised me with another call yesterday afternoon. Her intent was to run out the minutes of our phone card so she could rip up the numbers. She forgot it was refillable. lol. Even though it was a discussion about 'us' again, it was very light-hearted and filled with playful bickering as we tore into each others well-discussed stances on this issue. She has even come around to my way of thinking when it comes to leaving our marriages. Since I started to think seriously about it, and with my insistance that we discuss it further, she came to realize on her own that she could not possibly hurt her husband and kids. And she finally understands how I could love her as much as I say, but still choose my family over her. That's exactly the conclusion I knew she would come to from just such a discussion. But the outcome of our talk was still the same. Try as I might to come up with the perfect analogy, I couldn't convince her of how any good was going to come of a part-time relationship. She asked that I not take advantage of her new 'openness' by pressuring her. I told her it was during these times that I was most careful.

As I was replaying our discussion through my mind afterwards, I think I had come up with the analogy I was looking for. It involves vacation. Real life cannot be a constant vacation. Yet we all need one now and then. Call it a mental health break. We of course doubt how helpful vacations are when we find ourselves back at work, and not still on the beach somewhere. It seems a depression starts to set in, yet we get over it, and go back to our normal life. And then begin to look forward to that next vacation sometime. That's how I think Sara and I can help each other in our lives. We can be each other's vacation destination. The discussions we have before our get together is not unlike the planning of a vacation. Where to go, and more importantly, what to do - to each other. The excitement as that time draws near. Then the feeling of being a million miles away when we're together. As well as the realties of life just as far away. Then as we depart, the memories play in our mind as random smiles break across our faces. As reality slowly creeps back in, so does the depression. Not unlike the feeling you get when you are back at work. Why can't it always be like that? Why don't I change my situation so it always is like that? But you know the answer involves reality and you adjust back to it. But soon the anticipation of that next vacation begins to build. Could it be more perfect than that?