Always the Bad Guy.

I've said this many times before. I accept the responsibility of being the bad guy if it helps alleviate some of her guilt. But I'm not the one causing her the actual grief and misery. I'm just the vehicle. She is extremely happy when we are 'together' - in whatever shape or form that takes. It's her inability to cope with the circumstances that surround us that dampens the spirit. The biggest being reminded of the fact that I don't come home to her everyday and I don't wake up to her every morning. And she reminds herself of that everyday that we talk. And as much as thoughts of me make her smile through the day, so do they remind her of what can't be. But these are feelings that I have to live with as well. And I've learned to cope with them. I just keep holding out the hope that she might find a way as well. I know that may never happen if I were to completely disappear. Call me selfish.

I agree with a previous commenter who said that if you measured love, you'd find yourself constantly testing that love. I believe more in reflections of what you do, and why you do it. So what's a reflection of my love for Sara? If she were to get caught, I wouldn't hesitate to make things right. No matter what that would entail. And my heart would be 100% behind it.