Nastya
Although I haven't mentioned her in a long while, my sexy Russian friend is still around. We've become good friends, good enough that she has become comfortable sharing most everything with me. Good and bad. No, she hasn't changed her stance on (not) 'dating' married men, but she is very much into finding someone with whom she is interested in marrying. Her marriage to a Russian professor a few years back fell victim to competing careers, and although she doesn't regret the divorce, I feel she is hearing the clock tick. Several months ago she became romantically involved with a subordinate 12 years her junior. When that soured, so did her life. It was around this time that I had lost touch with her and only recently (couple months) remade the connection with her. Since then our friendship has grown and so has our honesty with each other. I recently told her of my (previous) hope that she be a diversion from Sara for me. And today at lunch she wants an explanation of how or why. I'm not sure what to tell her that doesn't suggest the need/desire to have sex. But recently she did mention that its the lack of sex that is partly driving her need to find somebody. Is this how friends become fuck buddies? The hope for that type of friendship has never really left my mind.
Yes, I still ache to see/hear/touch Sara. And as I say that my mind has already started formulating a 'plot' for my next attempt to make that happen. But the presence of Nastya does, and will, keep me from dwelling too long on that.
Yes, I still ache to see/hear/touch Sara. And as I say that my mind has already started formulating a 'plot' for my next attempt to make that happen. But the presence of Nastya does, and will, keep me from dwelling too long on that.
posted by do_in_it_2 | 7:24 AM
8 Comments:
If its about sex, then leave Sara alone rather then "plotting" to weasel your way back into her life. Just go and find a "fuck buddy" if that is all you want or need. Use Adult Friend Finder or any of a number of similar sites.
If its more than just sex with Sara, why can't you accept that she does not want an affair and that its all or nothing?
I know, same question as always from a variety of people, but obviously we don't get it.
Its not about sex with Sara. And just as a reminder, she never wanted to be in an affair since day one. That never stopped her for almost 5 years.
there’s nothing worse than wanting. especially when you know you can’t have. will never have. and yet you see it all around you. you see it in the sunrise. you see it in that halo around the moon. you see it in a falling star as it streaks through the cool, still night.
you can suppress the urge. you can find ways to make yourself forget the fact. she is gone.
but no matter what you do at some point, she will always be there. the heart never forgets.
So she never wanted to be in an affair...interesting. So it's been five years that you've been ignoring her needs in favor of tapping her baser instincts/drive for sex? Is it just a matter of wanting what you can't have? --VM--
VM - she is an adult and can make her own decisions and is responsible for her own actions. my only complicity was that i would always be there when she came back.
Okay, let's be fair ... your complicity goes a bit further than that. You nudge her when you feel she's been gone too long and let her fall back into your arms. It's not her own momentum bringing her back, at least not a good part of the time.
Yes, I do nudge, but it wouldn't have any affect if she weren't leaning in my direction anyway. Perfect example is the b-day gift. She had already started on her way back before she even got that.
I would bet that a good part of every day for her could be considered "started on her way back." If you want her to help find her happiness without guilt, you wouldn't nudge her. The nudging is for your gratification alone, and then you profess to be confused when she feels guilty about giving into a desire you see her as having independent of your actions. I'm really not sure you'll ever see the difference between letting her make and take full accountability for her what she does versus her succumbing to the pressure which is already something she feels regularly. Pressure which probably is equally balanced by the guilt, at least until you add to the pressure end of things.
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