Where to Start
**Updated below**
So much as happened I'm not sure I can remember it all. I guess the bottom line is she's leaving. Once again. And as always, it looks like for good. It took a little while after our phone conversation for me to realize something wasn't right. I had asked her via email to explain and I received a scathing, cruel email in return. Now I knew something was wrong. Then I got this:
u have 24 hours to lock up the accounts.
if you don't i will call ur wife.
don't call my bluff. you will regret it.
call me, i'll call you. mail me anything, i'll mail you. drive to my house, i'll drive to yours.
Right now I can't remember details, and they're really not important right now. I knew things were spiraling downwards and I knew she was inches from going over the edge. I knew she was waiting on emails from me, but I didn't know what to say. I just wanted things to simmer down, but I knew saying nothing could only inflame things more. She again warned me to shut things down or else. My response was to tell her I was on my way to my son's baseball game - alone. Obviously I was hinting for her to call me. Much to my surprise, she did. She wanted to ask me a question, and I could only answer yes or no. The question was the obvious one, and after a long pause I answered "yes". After a longer pause she said nothing. I then asked when we could get together to discuss the reality of the fallout from my decision. She started to discuss it on the phone and I stopped her and told her we have to discuss this together. In person. The short of it was, she refused. She said my intention was probably just to convince her it can't work. My thoughts were that she would convince herself of that. It then became a very emotional exchange and the usual things were echoed back and forth. I told her I loved her, but if she doesn't want to discuss our future in person, then it's good-bye. And hung up.
Today, she's back to threatening what will happen if I don't shut down the accounts.
*Update*
Things are good again between us. She still is going to leave, and I promised to lock out the accounts. She called me and we had a great conversation, one I hope sticks with us both. She told me the reason why I'm the one that has to walk away: Because she can't. Because she doesn't want to. And the reason why she has tried desperately to avoid seeing me, is because she doesn't want to experience what an orgasm feels like again. She says she's almost forgotten, and needs to totally forget. Sigh. As always, this won't be easy.
So much as happened I'm not sure I can remember it all. I guess the bottom line is she's leaving. Once again. And as always, it looks like for good. It took a little while after our phone conversation for me to realize something wasn't right. I had asked her via email to explain and I received a scathing, cruel email in return. Now I knew something was wrong. Then I got this:
u have 24 hours to lock up the accounts.
if you don't i will call ur wife.
don't call my bluff. you will regret it.
call me, i'll call you. mail me anything, i'll mail you. drive to my house, i'll drive to yours.
Right now I can't remember details, and they're really not important right now. I knew things were spiraling downwards and I knew she was inches from going over the edge. I knew she was waiting on emails from me, but I didn't know what to say. I just wanted things to simmer down, but I knew saying nothing could only inflame things more. She again warned me to shut things down or else. My response was to tell her I was on my way to my son's baseball game - alone. Obviously I was hinting for her to call me. Much to my surprise, she did. She wanted to ask me a question, and I could only answer yes or no. The question was the obvious one, and after a long pause I answered "yes". After a longer pause she said nothing. I then asked when we could get together to discuss the reality of the fallout from my decision. She started to discuss it on the phone and I stopped her and told her we have to discuss this together. In person. The short of it was, she refused. She said my intention was probably just to convince her it can't work. My thoughts were that she would convince herself of that. It then became a very emotional exchange and the usual things were echoed back and forth. I told her I loved her, but if she doesn't want to discuss our future in person, then it's good-bye. And hung up.
Today, she's back to threatening what will happen if I don't shut down the accounts.
*Update*
Things are good again between us. She still is going to leave, and I promised to lock out the accounts. She called me and we had a great conversation, one I hope sticks with us both. She told me the reason why I'm the one that has to walk away: Because she can't. Because she doesn't want to. And the reason why she has tried desperately to avoid seeing me, is because she doesn't want to experience what an orgasm feels like again. She says she's almost forgotten, and needs to totally forget. Sigh. As always, this won't be easy.
posted by do_in_it_2 | 7:08 AM
5 Comments:
OMG!!! What a rollercoaster ride??? Are you OK with all this??? Would you have really walked away from your wife??? OMG!!!!!!!!! I would have been an emotional wreck by now.
Your definition of "things being good" are severely out of whack.
~A Frequent Observer~
I understand rollercoaster rides..but she really seems a little off balance. I think her threats are cruel and I think you really should walk away from her and not look back. There is nothing good to be had here. How can you ever feel or share with someone who would make those threats to you and treat you this way??
Sounds like she's trying to call your bluff...and you need to decide what Game and to what extent you're willing to Play. Affairs are not the same as other relationships we have...logic, rules, scripts, decorum, courtesy - these things do not always apply and are usually far from predictable. I guess the other question for you is, how did you feel when she threatened to call your wife/confront your family? Did you feel angry? Secretly relieved? Secretly proud that she would fight for you? Secretly wishing to call her bluff and see if she would do it? I hope you figure out what to do next. None of this seems like a really winning situation for anyone involved. --VM--
tme - I'm doing fine, my concern is what this is doing to her. I feel walking away now will cause longer term hardship for her, so I'm trying to get things back to an even keel before shutting things down.
anon#1 - "things being good" means that she has come out of the deep end. let's be honest, most women travel into that deep end from time to time.
anon#2 - a little off balance, or hopelessly in love. not that there is really much of a difference.
vm - i guess i should have mentioned - actually thought i did - that she's done this a couple times before. i don't take the threats seriously. it's just an indication that there is something more that she isn't telling me. i'll explain what that is in a new post.
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