Still Quiet
Nothing. Although I've come to realize that I can never make her happy, even if we were together, I'm still stuck on needing to know why she hung up on me. In the past, whenever I'd say things that she didn't want to hear, she always quickly, and obviously, changed the subject. Why hang up this time?
A short while back I created a website for her to visit from time to time. Here I would tell her things and at times post pictures for her. She could get her 'fix' of me, without fearing she'd fall into the vicious, endless chain of emails we always find ourselves in. (Keep in mind, even now it could be 20 to 30 emails a day, every day). She really enjoyed it, and I felt it was helping her to accept and enjoy the 'good' we can provide each other. Well, during that last conversation I mentioned that if we were together, I hope she didn't expect I could continue that website. This really bothered her. She asked why not. It was during my explanation of why she couldn't reasonably expect that, as well as other things, that she fell silent. Not much longer after that, she hung up.
That's when I realized it would be a fulltime endeavor just trying to keep her happy. Oddly enough, I would still accept the challenge. No doubt it would be an explosive relationship, after all we're both very stubborn, but it would also be full of explosive passion. It would be an interesting relationship - but probably not a good environment for kids to grow up in.
A short while back I created a website for her to visit from time to time. Here I would tell her things and at times post pictures for her. She could get her 'fix' of me, without fearing she'd fall into the vicious, endless chain of emails we always find ourselves in. (Keep in mind, even now it could be 20 to 30 emails a day, every day). She really enjoyed it, and I felt it was helping her to accept and enjoy the 'good' we can provide each other. Well, during that last conversation I mentioned that if we were together, I hope she didn't expect I could continue that website. This really bothered her. She asked why not. It was during my explanation of why she couldn't reasonably expect that, as well as other things, that she fell silent. Not much longer after that, she hung up.
That's when I realized it would be a fulltime endeavor just trying to keep her happy. Oddly enough, I would still accept the challenge. No doubt it would be an explosive relationship, after all we're both very stubborn, but it would also be full of explosive passion. It would be an interesting relationship - but probably not a good environment for kids to grow up in.
posted by do_in_it_2 | 7:26 AM
2 Comments:
This is the most down to earth post I can recall from you in ages. I feel like I understand a few things better now - thanks! As for all this...as you know, I firmly maintain that an affair is misleading. It is a red herring. It appears to have the same elements of the primary relationships we flee from...except all those elements are better, bigger, faster, more, now. Except the affair is not and can never be the same as the primary relationship. What you do for her in the affair is what she wanted or needed: you paying attention to every tiny detail and whim of hers; you apparently whiling away the hours like a lovesick teen, doing the adult equivalent of writing 'me plus Sara' in your notebook 100 times! She saw this and clearly wanted it (bc with 4 kids, husband, etc she likely feels underappreciated, etc). You honestly admit that a. you would not continue these sorts of things if you left your spouses; b. you would be unable to maintain the high level of attention she needs; c. you would be unable to maintain the high level of maintenance, drama, and explosive passion. She is in fairytale land and didn't want to hear these things. No wonder she hung up! She just didn't want to hear your version of the truth. --VM--
VM - Too bad my other posts didn't come across as down to earth either because my thought process this whole time has never changed. Other than the realization I can never keep her happy. That is a new one.
But I do still believe we were meant for each other and if we had met before either of us got married, we'd be married now and still would be a very passionate couple.
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