The Complete Picture.

I think all the pieces have come together and I'm ashamed to think I really did lead Sara on about our chances of being together. It wasn't on purpose, but after figuring out how she was seeing things, and how she could have interpreted my thoughts, I think that is what happened. It all fell together while I was watching a movie. In one scene, the hero saves the woman, and after being resuscitated she looks up at him with the big "need you" eyes and says "What took you so long?" At that instant I pictured Sara saying the same thing to me if I were to show up at her doorstep. Then the realization hit. She has probably been waiting for me to save her this whole time. Couple that with the recent realization that her 'all or nothing' meant she wanted it all from the very beginning. Then I remembered her song she thinks about me singing to her, which was 'Hero' by Enrique Iglesias, it all made perfect sense.

Would you dance
if I asked you to dance?
Would you run
and never look back?
Would you cry
if you saw me crying?
And would you save my soul, tonight?

Would you tremble
if I touched your lips?
Would you laugh?
Oh please tell me this.
Now would you die
for the one you loved?
Hold me in your arms, tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.

Would you swear
that you'll always be mine?
Or would you lie?
would you run and hide?
Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
I don't care...
You're here tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.

Oh, I just want to hold you.
I just want to hold you.
Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
I don't care...
You're here tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by your forever.
You can take my breath away.

I can be your hero.
I can kiss away the pain.
And I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.
You can take my breath away.

I can be your hero.

I feel so horrible not putting it all together long ago. She would always ask me what I was getting out of this. My reply was always something like "because in my gut I feel we'll be together someday". This was a gut feeling, not based on any thoughts of leaving our families, but on the unthinkable of something bad happening that would find us together somehow. I thought she understood that, but I don't think so. Or at least she wanted to read more into it. Hope.

But I know now that she does understand, and because of that she will succeed in staying away. I'm convinced of that and that's probably why I'm having a much easier time in dealing with her being gone. I love her. I miss her. But seeing the complete picture I totally understand now that it never was about her not being satisfied only being my mistress - it never was an option to begin with.