A Month?
Has it really been two weeks since I posted last? Doesn't seem that long. However it's been a month since Sara left, and it seems like an eternity. Go figure. I finally opened the account again. Yeah, I know, what the hell am I thinking. I think I did because I'm just bored, and I think she is as well, and hell, I miss her. But a very dear friend of mine knows me enough to know its more than that. She has always sympathized with Sara, yet would also be angry with her because she could never accept what I was able to offer. She knows I reopened that account because I love her too much to let her go. That my persistance in finding that compromise is what's driving me. And that I'm just to damn stubborn to quit.
The way I'm looking at it right now, if Sara comes back, that's her problem to deal with. If she doesn't, it becomes mine.
The way I'm looking at it right now, if Sara comes back, that's her problem to deal with. If she doesn't, it becomes mine.
posted by do_in_it_2 | 7:15 AM
7 Comments:
Read this post, slapped myself on the forehead and said "Doh!" in my very best Homer Simpson impression.
I sympathize with you, I really do, but you've got to move beyond this. Sara has asked you to close the account, and you did. Why reopen it? Why set you and her up for more heartache? You need to grieve this loss in your life and move on. This is a relationship that is doomed without doubt. What you want and what she wants are two different things. I don't believe that either of you will be able to sway the other to change your minds on what you want. As much as it would be wonderful if the two of you could have a relationship that you both found satisfying, I just don't see it happening. Grieve it. It is a loss, and a fairly large one given the length of the relationship and the strength of the feelings. Take the time to grieve and to bring yourself to a place where you can move beyond it.
And, yes, I know, I sound preachy and uptight. I'm the last person in the world that could or should try to tell someone else to end an affair. I'm sorry, but sometimes your story hits so close to home that I just get really really involved in it in my head.
shake head
There I thought you might have actually come to your senses and changed your stripes
He can't change, he loves the drama too much to change. This is where he is most comfortable. If there is no drama he'll create it, because that is where he is most comfortable.
No, I doubt it's the drama that I love so much that keeps me from 'changing my stripes'.
I guess that I'm completely in the minority here. I see what he's doing as part of his stubborn streak--sure. BUT I also see what he's doing as being unable to quit on someone he loves. And I do believe without a doubt that he loves her. Because he won't do the final deed and destroy his family by leaving them makes me respect him more. It's all easy to say that he should just let her go. Or that if he loves her then he should've gone by now. I think that the fact that he just wants her in his life is a testament to his love for her. That "if you love her let her go free" stuff has always seemed like such crap to me. As strongly as he feels for her I'd like to see Sara just learn to live with a compromise and take the good where she can get it. But no two people have the same definition of love. So I believe him when he says that that is what keeps him coming back.
Interesting comment thread here, eh? You do have a fan in Rmpltskn at least! It seems as if you expect a true miracle from Sara - that she would change her desires, wishes, etc. For her to do that, she would need to love you less than she does. She loved you so much that she wanted all of you, not some of you online and a little bit of you, a few times a year, in person. If she loved you less, she probably would not have put up with so much back and forth, so much heartache, and so much longing. If she loved you less, she would have permanently dumped you years ago. The woman you want is the woman who told you it was over a month ago, for the last time. And she's the woman who wants you to leave your wife and kids to be with her. If she wanted less than that - a compromise of years of quarterly visits and furtive fuck sessions - she would still be around. The woman you want doesn't seem to exist, and as the Stones sang, 'you can't always get what you want.' When you live in the world with other people, you always end up compromising...in this case, you compromise your desire to have Sara on your string, on your terms. And she has compromised her desire to have you be with her and only her. And in the end, no one gets exactly what they want (though you both got some of what you needed). Good luck, friend. I hope you reach some internal contentment. --VM--
Wow..
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