Screwed Up.
I'm sure it'll be for the better. Occasionally I'll leave Sara an email starting out something like "obviously you're here if you're reading this......". But in my attempt to stop sounding like a broken record in my emails, in an email I left her last Friday I shortened that to "you're here". The "obviously if you're reading this" was supposed to be implied. I think she instead implied "I know you're here"- since she hasn't been back since then.
It wasn't too long ago that I had asked her here not to read my emails if she's only doing so out of curiosity. It was a veiled attempt to make her consider the possibility that I might know she does read them. Well, it did trigger something because it was almost two weeks before she came back. I assumed that meant - whether i knew or not - she wanted to be here. That's probably what she's wrestling with again.
I've been trying to find a way to get us out of this stalemate for awhile so this, hopefully, will do just that. Of course I'm hoping, as always, that she decides to go my way. But it's totally up to her to decide that.
For those of you who think I'm still being cruel and manipulative, I'll repeat, it's totally up to her to decide. She will continue to do what SHE wants to do, and I will continue to do what I want to do. We both have the same freedom of choice. Period.
It wasn't too long ago that I had asked her here not to read my emails if she's only doing so out of curiosity. It was a veiled attempt to make her consider the possibility that I might know she does read them. Well, it did trigger something because it was almost two weeks before she came back. I assumed that meant - whether i knew or not - she wanted to be here. That's probably what she's wrestling with again.
I've been trying to find a way to get us out of this stalemate for awhile so this, hopefully, will do just that. Of course I'm hoping, as always, that she decides to go my way. But it's totally up to her to decide that.
For those of you who think I'm still being cruel and manipulative, I'll repeat, it's totally up to her to decide. She will continue to do what SHE wants to do, and I will continue to do what I want to do. We both have the same freedom of choice. Period.
posted by do_in_it_2 | 8:41 AM
5 Comments:
I have been a long time reader and really find it entrusting. I have a thought. Do you think that she wants both of her men equally? That she wants to have the perfect man. I it is noticeable that she loves two men.
Karrin - I'm pretty certain that any love she has for him involves him being the father of her children. She dumped him 3 times before marrying him because she wasn't feeling what she thought she should be feeling. But her family and friends convinced her to marry him because he was decent, hard worker, and would be a good provider. She told me that the last time she looked at her wedding pictures, she noticed she didn't appear happy in any of them.
I've hurt her emotionally many times - most no fault of my own. Because she does not have the same bond with her husband - he's not able to hurt her that way. I think she feels its easier to live with the lack of love, than the prospect of hurt. She still won't let herself totally trust me.
This is like looking into my life. Scary how that happens.
Sometimes even when you want to let go you can't. I know, I've been through it. But you might be right that she would rather stay status quo rather than risk getting hurt.
I don't know why my comment showed up as just 'lena' .... weird.
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