Still Quiet.

Its going on two weeks since Sara has last checked in. Maybe she will succeed this time. I know she'll be anxious when Valentine's Day comes around. I guess I will be as well, but I've promised myself already that I will be doing nothing. No gifts. No special emails. Nothing.

It's been said many times, in many different ways, that it's better to have experienced something, or somebody special, and to have lost it. Than never at all. I never subscribed to that. It's been my belief that its best to not know what you're missing. Sure we have very special memories, but they will always trigger the longing to have it again.

Still Here.

She still checks into email pretty regularly. That is, up until last Friday when I left her this email:

goes without saying, but i'll say it (ask it) again. i'm writing these emails for the women who wants to be here. who still holds out hope that i'll find a way for us to be together. if you're here only out of concern for me, or curiosity, then please don't be. with that frame of mind, what i write here may appear pathetic. if that's the case, please don't read anymore and let me keep some dignity.

I followed that with a few more 'lite' emails. She read them all, but that's been it. I guess I've given her reason to believe (again) that I do know when she reads these emails. But then again, this isn't the first time I've left her that kind of an email. But that's okay, maybe if she did know, things would take a different course. Lets be honest, her being here - even if she's hiding - has a lot to do with why I'm still holding on. Then again, knowing she's here, might also be a way of preventing me from finding other ways to contact her. I don't know for sure.

New Years Resolutions.

I don't make any. I guess you can say my resolution is not to make any. If it's not worth doing/starting on a Thursday, then its a good chance you don't care enough to keep it.

I think its safe to say Sara didn't make a resolution to stop checking email. Although she's been hiding since the day after Christmas, she hasn't stopped checking in. I never got, and rarely do I ever get, any kind of holiday wish from her. And that includes birthdays, and anniversaries. What's up with that? I never could figure that out. Especially since she always comes around looking for one from me. 8am Christmas morning. 9am NewYears Day.