She....

Don't have anything new to say, just that she still checks in pretty regularly, but chooses to remain hidden. I am writing things now to provoke her into surfacing, but so far she hasn't budged. Why is she still hanging on as well? The last we left things, she was the one that also came to the realization she could never leave her family as well. So what's she hoping for now?

She can be so gawd damn frustrating.

I Did It.

Or rather, I didn't. I didn't send her a gift, or call her. I did leave an email, but it wasn't to wish her a Happy V-day. When she checked in that one weekend, oddly enough, she didn't read everything. At first I thought maybe she didn't have time, or she needed to bail quickly. But when she didn't come back I knew it was probably for a different reason. She probably 'caught' herself and by logging out without reading more, she put herself back on track. Well, she was back again this past weekend, and again yesterday. But made no attempt to finish reading everything. I can't figure that one out.

And yes, she did check in today - I'm sure to look for something from me. I hope I didn't disappoint her when she didn't receive anything in the mail. I knew it was a no-win for me anyway. But I'm sure she was disappointed not getting a wish of love via an email. Of course, I never got one either. Anyway, her birthday is in a month.

Weekend

Sara checked in over the weekend, but didn't want me to know so she remains hidden for now. It seems this happens when a special day is coming up, which is odd because of how she handles those days with respect to me. I guess its possible she just wanted to know I haven't forgotten about her, and by seeing all the emails I've left her did just that. She got her reaffirmation and will get back on track. Only time will tell.

In one of those emails, I told her I made a promise to myself not to do anything for Valentine's Day. No cards, gifts, phone calls, emails. Nothing. But unfortunately for her, I made the promise to myself - and I do tend to break those occasionally. If I really felt I could keep it, I would have promised her instead.

If she doesn't come back, chances are I could keep that promise. But if she continues to snoop around for awhile I almost feel compelled to do something because I know she'll be looking for something. I don't want to disappoint her. But either way I will disappoint her. Either I break my promise and send something, or I keep my promise and she gets nothing.