Locked.

I locked the account. I wish I could tell you I had an epiphany and found my way through this. But that's not the case. It was apparent she didn't want me to lock it, so I did. But I honestly don't expect this to shock her into coming out of hiding - which she can do simply by emailing me from another account. Instead, I can only hope. As I told her in my last email to her, I realized I don't need to hang around while I waited for her to come around. She knows how to find me.

Stirred Things Up.

Well, as is usually the case, when I post its because something has changed. Sara's still had been checking in somewhat regularly but continued to remain hidden. I guess I felt I needed to see if I could provoke her into surfacing, but still stay inside the realm of email. I left her an email telling her I mailed her a sex toy. I suggested she come up with a reason why she was getting an anal reaming tool from a plumbing company. I thought it was funny. I don't think she did.

She read that email (and another email that I had attached pictures from my family vacation) yesterday morning. Nothing. She re-opened the family picture email around noon. A half hour later, she then re-read all the emails that were sitting in the inbox. From oldest to newest - about 20 emails. By this time I knew something was stirring in her. Twenty minutes later I started getting hangup calls at work, and then on my cellphone. Ok, now I didn't think what I did was so funny anymore. I tried to call her, but discovered my phonecard had been used up. It used to have $10 on it. The phone calls stopped - obviously because she could not make anymore calls.

I then emailed her several emails, letting her know it was just a joke, and how I realized how not funny it was. The last one I sent was one promising that I'd lock things up for good. A couple hours later, she read those emails. Here's the strange part - she re-marked all of those emails as unread. As if she had never been there. WTF? After realizing she'd been had, did she not want me locking things up? Pretend yesterday never happened?

All is quiet today. So far.

No Show.

Guess I was stood up. Then again, it can't be if she doesn't know that I knew that she knew about the meet-up. Make sense? Lol. What was surpising to me was that she was into email as early as 7, and was in often through the morning. Re-reading some of the emails. Was she finding her resolve to stay away by doing that? And just when did she decide she wasn't going to meet me? That morning? Does it really matter?

Wednesday.

Well, Sara has checked in a couple times last week. It has been almost a month since the last time she was in. Still hiding though, and that's what will make Wednesday an interesting day. One of the emails I left was a time and place to meet up. She read that one last Tuesday, giving her plenty of time to rearrange her schedule if necessary. She knows I will be there regardless if I hear from her or not. Question is, will she be there as well?

Just Might Be Getting Through.

Thanks to the recent comments on my previous post, I find myself seriously thinking about ending it and moving on. Wherever that may lead. And that is my concern. I've been keeping my eyes open for a 'diversion' for awhile now. I always felt that the best chance of leaving Sara alone is if I could keep my attention diverted elsewhere. Moving on to another affair is obviously not the best direction. Yet, that's where I feel I'm headedt. So the end result will be no different.

For those who have been through this, what has kept you from starting up another affair? Or is the fact that I want to, indicative of not being in the right place to put an end to this one?