The Library.

Today was the first time in well over a month since she's checked in. And yes, it was from the library. And yesterday was the first time I left anything for her to read. My intention was for her to find nothing from me when/if she ever did check back in. I wanted her to feel that hurt, and make her realize that I might not always be around when she comes back. Well yesterday I broke down. I decided I didn't want her to hurt like that.

Should Add.

I should mention that before she left she mentioned that her husband was replacing their computer around Christmas. And that she hopes to use that opportunity and not 'taint' the new computer by logging into our email anymore. She tried this a few years ago the last time they upgraded their computer. After a month or so, she would start going to the library and check from there. Soon after, she 'broke the seal' at home. So....... it could be awhile, she does have amazing willpower when she can keep her mind to it.

Don't Know Why.

I don't know why I'm surprised it's been almost two months since I last posted. Since last post we've talked and emailed many times - and just when I thought she'd stick around - she vanished. She hasn't checked in since mid-December. Not even hiding - she's stayed away completely. Of course this isn't the longest she's been away totally, but as always I feel this time is for good.

One of the comments left on the last post asked how long its been since we've seen each other. That was August '06, for about an hour. Almost a year and half. The time before that was almost a year. During that period, we've arranged to meet about a handfull of times, with her backing out each time. As she puts it - seeing me for a day just brings on months of depression afterwards. Of course my suggestion was to not wait so long between times we meet up, but she didn't see my logic. lol. Oh well.

I miss her terribly. Most times I feel I can handle her being gone for good - that is, until I realize that means I will NEVER hold her again. Then it hurts. Real bad.